Therapy Fund

I have decided that when and if I have children I will begin a therapy fund. It is only natural. I also feel that whenever a baby enters this very interesting world, there should be a mandatory law that every child should have one of these. It is really quite simple. And trust me, my future child will likely be laden with “perfectionistic” tendencies and crazy hair!

Hospital and doctor co-pays are going up. Who the hell knows where they will be in the far away future. I figure that since no one really knows what he or she is doing precisely as parents (there really is not a one size fits all manual), there needs to be a plan in action to act as a sort of insurance for these little beings. Ha.

A couple of days ago, I was at work. I was working with a 4 month old infant. I feel that I am relatively competent and knowledgeable when it comes to childcare; however, the baby was really upset and had a psychotic break…for an hour.I truly felt terrible because the baby seemed very anxious and when I picked her up and tried to comfort her, she would stiffen up. Poor thing! The thought running through my mind? “OMG, this poor little munchkin is going to relive repressed thoughts about me when she is 23 and finally in therapy!” The screaming was incessant. I thought my head was going to fall off. I thought she would never stop. I tried thinking about what it would be like for me to be a parent. I abruptly saw my biological clock in my mind’s eye become smashed by a Mack truck. Really. How do parents do it? I know many of you who are reading my blog are parents. Let me personally tell you that you are truly amazing. And once again as I was bouncing around the room gently trying to comfort her, I thought for sure that this inability to soothe her would one day become a full-on year’s worth of therapy sessions when she finally turned 18.

So ultimately, I covered all my bases: eat, poop, gas, bored, tired. I thought for a moment that she possibly deliberately set out to ruin my life.  Then, by the end of the infant’s psychotic snap an hour later, she finally fell asleep. Also, even if she was not really tired, she sure as hell did a wonderful job making herself utterly exhausted. This is just one reason that I believe there should be a well-established therapy fund for all children upon birth. I am sure that incident scarred her as much as it did me.

My last nanny job was an interesting one. I had never met parents quite like these ones. The mom arrived home one day from a long day at work and was surprisingly very happy. Usually she was pretty miserable, as I would be, working as an engineer. During our “PowWow” as she liked to call it, where we have a half hour to catch up, “stategize” (because she always seemed to have an issue with me or something I did… )as she called it, play with the baby together, etc., she excitedly told me that the baby now had a Gmail account!

I wondered for a moment. I was amused and concerned simultaneously. Why? Why would a parent create an email account for her 9 month old infant? When I inquired, she told me that she was fearful that there were not going to be any Gmail accounts left when the baby was a teenager. She proceeded to tell me what the email address was.. maybe in case I got a sudden urge to send her a random email? Either way, this also explains how one person’s neurosis is another person’s therapy patient. Upon further contemplation, however, who knows.. she IS the engineer. Maybe she is right!

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